


If You Want My Body

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: During Canon, First Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-09
Updated: 2011-07-08
Packaged: 2018-09-03 15:25:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8719018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Sam & Dean fight inner demons.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

Sam just turned 16. With the age, came the attitude. He was getting more opinionated, and more stubborn. Dean didn’t know how to handle him. He was 20. He should be out partying, and chasing tail. His dad was never home, and it was always “Salt the doors and windows, look after Sammy, don’t let anyone in, look after Sammy, don’t answer the phone unless it rings once then hangs up, look after Sammy. He loved watching out for Sam. He loved that he could be the one Sam looked up to. He just didn’t know if he could control him anymore, and that scared him.

Sam walked into the house at 3 am. He was drunk, or high. Dean didn’t know. “Where have you been?” Sam huffed out a laugh. “that way.” Sam pointed out the door. Dean walked up and slammed the door behind him and slammed him against it. As he got closer he noticed something. “Sam, that’s not your cologne.” Sam smiled up at him, almost daring Dean to do something about it. “SAM! Who was it!” 

“Nonee off yerr business!!” “DID HE FUCK YOU, HUH SAMMY!” Dean slammed his hand on the door right next to Sam’s head. “WHAT DEAN! YOU WANNA HIT ME. FUCKING GO FOR IT!! NOTHING CAN HURT ME ANYMORE!” Dean stopped. He heard the pain in Sam’s voice. He could feel that same pain. Dean forgot he was clutching Sam’s shirt. He let go and Sam slid down the door. Dean sat by him and ran his fingers through Sam’s hair, while Sam laid his head on Dean’s shoulder. He was silently crying. Not enough to hear, but Dean knew. “Please talk to me. These past few weeks, you’ve been worrying me.” 

“Nothing Dean. Leave it.” “I’m sorry I can’t. You’re all I have kid.” Dean lifted Sam’s head. “Look at me. What’s going on with you?”

“I don’t know..I just….” Dean looked at him. “What? Tell me. I’m here.” “You’ll get mad. I don’t want you to leave.” 

“Sammy, nothing you can say will ever make me leave you.” 

Sam mumbled under his breath. “What?”

“I said I love you.” Dean was quiet. Sam jumped up and ran towards his room. Dean grabbed him by the leg, leaving Sam falling to the floor. Sam’s first thought was that Dean was mad. Dean climbed on top of him. They were both breathing heavily. “Sammy.” “Listen I know…I know you’re mad okay. I’m sorry. I can’t control it.” “SAMMY! Listen. I’m not mad.” 

“You’re not?” Dean smirked. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Sam’s. He nibbled on his bottom lip. Sam let out a small whimper. “I’m not mad. I’m glad you told me. A few more weeks, and I would have jumped you.” Dean ran his hand up Sam’s shirt. He slid it over his head. “God you grew up.” Dean finally got off Sam, and picked him up. He threw him over his shoulder. When they got to Dean’s room, he threw Sam on the bed and pounced. Dean bit Sam’s neck hard. Sam moaned and dug his nails into Dean’s back.

Dean left a good size bruise on Sam’s neck. “Dean, please. Fuck me, please.” Dean backed up. “No. I can’t. It hurts. I won’t hurt you.” “No, no it’s okay.” Dean got off the bed. “I can’t Sammy, I’m so sorry.” 

“Dean, dean wait!” Dean was already gone. “Dammit.”

The next morning Sam went down the stairs to the kitchen. Dean was sitting on the couch watching tv. “Hey Sammy.” Sam didn’t say anything. “Oh come on Sammy, please talk to me.” 

“You never want to talk any other time. Or do anything else for that matter.”

Dean ducked his head. “Damn it. Sammy I’m sorry. It’s not that I didn’t want to. I just..”

“He didn’t ya know.” 

“What?”

“He didn’t fuck me. Just thought I’d let you know.”

“Oh, um, thanks.”

“Sure, anything to help you out.” Sam walked back up to his room, and slammed the door. Dean took a deep breath and walked up to Sam’s room. He knocked a couple times. “Hey Sammy, can we talk.” 

No answer. “Come on Sammy.” No answer. He opened the door, and Sam tilted his head towards the door and looked at him. “What.” 

Dean walked over to Sam’s bed and sat down. “Sammy, I’m sorry.”

“GOD Dean, all the times you’ve avoided talking, now you decide to talk. Just leave me alone!”

“I can’t.”

“YOU SHOULD.” Sam shoved Dean off the bed. Dean got up and picked Sam up by his shirt. “Oh now you wanna fight!?” Sam forced all his weight on Dean, knocking him to the floor. Sam hit him once in the face before he was pinned on his back. “Damn it Sammy!”

“DON’T CALL ME THAT!!” 

“So you wanna fight me now? You didn’t wanna fight me yesterday!” 

“Get the FUCK off me. I HATE you!” 

“Stop lying to yourself Sam!” 

They were still fighting, but Dean was stronger. Sam knew that. Sam finally calmed down, but he wouldn’t look at Dean. 

“Sammy, look at me. Please.”

Sam wouldn’t. Dean moved one hand to Sam’s jaw, and tilted his head. Their gaze held for a few seconds. “Dean, get off of me. Now.” “I can’t do that Sammy.” Dean leaned down and kissed Sam. “Oh no, you’re not gonna do that. You don’t get to decide when you want me.” Dean pinned Sam’s arms above his head and latched his mouth on to his brother’s neck. “Dean stop!”


	2. Chapter 2

“What, you don’t want it now? What the FUCK do you want from me!” Dean stopped and stared at Sam for a minute. “Huh Sammy?” 

“I want what you won’t give me.” 

“I will Sammy. I just have to be careful.” Sam thought to himself. ‘That’s not what I mean. I meant your heart.’ 

“Okay. I..I trust you.” Dean was so worked up he didn’t even think of what he would have done if Sam said no, or if he could even stop. 

He wanted Dean anyway he would allow. He was hurt, but if this was as close as he was going to get. He would take it. Dean smiled at Sam. He leaned down and kissed Sam’s forehead. 

He started to unbutton Sam’s shirt. He took it off, and placed his hand on Sam’s bare chest causing him to tighten his stomach. “Relax. I got you.” He tried to control his breathing, while Dean was undoing his belt. Sam was totally naked by now, and Dean just had his shirt off. “Dean..”

“Yeah Sammy?” “I love you..” 

“Me too.”

“No, say it.” 

“Oh come on Sammy, not now.” “Why can’t you say it Dean.”

“I love you okay.”

“Why can’t you mean it.” 

Sam shoved Dean off him, and walked to his room. When he slammed the door, Dean flinched. Dean slapped his forehead. “Stupid!”

Sam laid on his bed. He started crying, but didn’t say a word. He let his eyes fill, then blinked. The tears fell down his cheeks. Dean knew It was stupid, but he went up to Sam’s room. He knocked. “Go away.” He made sure there was no hurt in his voice. He could play Dean’s game too. “Come on Sammy, let me in. I’ll break the door down, you know it.” 

Sam huffed and went to unlock the door. He opened it to find Dean leaned against the door frame. Dean looked at him. “Look Sam I’m sorry.”

“I opened the door because I didn’t want you to break it. Not because I wanted to talk.” Dean stormed out of the room. Sam heard the impala start, he knew Dean was headed to the bar. 

Sam grabbed the bottle of whiskey he hid under his bed. He got drunk and eventually passed out. A few hours went by, when he heard Dean stumbling in the kitchen. He knew he was drunk because Dean was trying to be quiet. Which was causing more noise. That, and he was talking to inanimate objects telling them to be quiet. Sam rolled his eyes and pulled the covers over his head. Dean stumbled up the stairs to his room. He walked over to Sam’s bed. “Sammy…Sammy.”

He thought he was whispering, but it was a loud, drunk whisper. “What.”

“I’m sorry S..am” 

“Dean, you’re drunk.” Dean laid down next to Sam. “I do love you. I want, wanted to tell you.”

“Dean, you don’t mean that, you’re drunk.” “S s Sammy. I do love you. So much.” Dean ran his fingers through Sam’s hair. Sam knocked his hand away. Dean pinned Sam’s arms above his head. “DEAN! STOP!” Dean was kissing him. As much as Sam wanted this, he didn’t want it to be when Dean was wasted. “Shh Sam, t’s okay. Trust me, you said you trusted me.” 

“Dean stop. Now.” Dean attached his mouth to Sam’s neck. Sam finally slipped his hand free. He was glad Dean was drunk. He never would have gotten away if Dean was sober, but then again Dean would never have come at him if he was sober. He shoved Dean off him and ran to the bathroom. He locked the door behind him. Dean ran after him. “Sam, Sam I’m so sorry. You can’t be afraid of me. I need you.”

Sam was crying. He knew after all that happened Dean got sober really quick. “God Sammy. I never. Damn it!!!” Sam was leaning against the door, incase Dean freaked out again. He could hear Dean start to cry. “I’m so sorry.” Sam fell asleep against the door. Dean passed out soon after. 

When Sam woke up he opened the door. Dean fell on the bathroom floor. It woke him up. “Ow.”

Sam had a glass of water and some asprin ready. He dragged Dean so his head was on his lap. “Come on, sit up. Take these.” Dean took the asprin. 

“You probably need a nap.” “Sam..”

Sam was splashing water on his face. He looked up. “Huh?”

“I’m sorry.” “It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it. I know you don’t like talking.” 

“Sam, I want to talk this time.” “Okay, talk.”

“I don’t want you to be afraid of me Sam. I can’t live without you.”

“I’m not afraid of you Dean.” “Sam you ran from me, you never run from me.”

“It was just a reaction.” 

Dean brushed Sam’s cheek with his index finger. Sam’s eyes shut.

“Sam, can I..try something.” Sam nodded his head. Dean leaned in close to Sam, but paused before he kissed him. Sam quickly closed the gap. He gripped Dean’s hair. 

“Baby, I love you so much.” Sam pulled away quickly. He looked in Dean’s eyes for what felt like hours. 

“Are you still drunk?” Dean smirked and kissed Sam again. Dean had Sam on his back fast. He ripped Sam’s shirt in half. “Man, I liked this shirt.” Dean kissed Sam’s neck, then bit. “Shh, I’ll buy you another one.” 

They were both naked at this point. Dean was still biting and sucking at Sam’s neck, leaving bruises. Sam arched up into Dean. “Now, Dean I’m ready.” 

“Calm down, I don’t want to hurt you.” “Dean, it’s fine. If you keep going I wont last.”

Dean huffed out a laugh. “Okay, but don’t come crying to me when you’re ass hurts tomorrow.”

“Okay okay, just do it.”

Dean didn’t mess around either, he grabbed the lube from his jacket pocket, and squeezed some on his shaft. After a minute of working it, he lined himself up with Sam. He pushed in slowly. Sam winced, taking in a deep breath. “Sammy. You alright?”

Sam nodded his head. Dean started to move. Sam wasn’t get used to the intrusion. “You want me to stop?” Sam shook his head no. “Damn it Sam, don’t let your pride get in the way of common sense.” 

“I’ll get used to it. Do you know what we went through to get here? If you stop I swear to…..Oh my god!!” Dean had cut him off by thrusting in hard, slamming his prostate dead on. Sam started to squirm. It was too much, yet not enough. “God Dean harder.” Dean slammed into him with force a few times.Sam dug his nails into his brother’s back. Dean lifted Sam by the small of his back. He was slamming into Sam. He figured this was the fastest he’d ever moved. 

They were both begging for a release, almost becoming desperate. “Dean….”

“I know baby, me too. Come on, come for me.”

Dean was still thrusting when he felt Sam’s muscles tighten. They came together. Sam clawing at Dean’s back, and Dean leaning down to bite down on Sam’s neck. He collapsed next to Sam on the bathroom floor. They were breathing heavily. Sam placed his hand on his neck. When he drew it back, there was blood on his hand. “Man.”

He leaned over Sam and sucked the blood away. Dean looked at Sam and smirked. “Tastes like Sammy.” 

Sam lifted his head to kiss Dean. They laid back down on the bathroom floor. Sam tilted his head to the side. He looked at Dean for a long time. “I know Sammy. I love you too.” 

Sam smiled at Dean. “I think we should get off the floor.”


End file.
